Poems

In My Dreams I Stopped Talking to You

you in my dreams
a little different this time
furious, woke up, then told a friend
“get a hold of yourself!”
one thing that i was sure of
was that i didn’t want to see your face

thinking of how it’s been weeks
since i don’t talk of you
it’s kind of funny
the song you sent to hurt me
has been putting me to sleep lately
friday nights sharing my favorite music
put them in a box and a ribbon on top
so they don’t have to remind me
of some overlooked 11:11 messages
so the stories could continue
so they don’t have to tell about me
not anymore

one finneas song and a smile
i was too naïve
you were against everything i used to believe
i was so obsessed of running away
but luckily these days
i looked at the past in all sincerity
got the warmth that i needed
reassurance that i wanted
all this time alone has reminded me
of how i’ve always wanted to feel
i never got those things
when you were beside me

i don’t know why it took so much time
to simply understand
that you’re bad for my heart
as you were the one
who was always waiving all the signs
“but i can’t feel your energy,
no more,
no more,
no more.”

for all the circles that i kept
for all the sisters i have
aliyah comes by and sits around
you would swear that girl can read your mind
she figures it out before you sometimes
and she writes,
“when you find yourself,
thinking about it again
don’t beat yourself up
you haven’t failed
it’s because you memorized the book,
every paragraph, all by heart. “

i’ve let myself down a lot in love
but all my efforts do count
i waited so patiently this time
track one lover
sounds more of a sweet triumph
all the sentimental parts
were necessary to keep us alive
and i will tell you that
nothing’s done with love
will ever be a waste of time
and the ones with the bigger hearts
have never lost in a battle like mine

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