Man you really brought me back down

I’m dating the sweetest man in town
But he still can’t make me smile



Been trying to assuage these temporary feelings
Except I won’t lie to myself about what I’ve been seeing
Hard to handle it when you’re labelled as a phlegmatic
For being quiet and uncomfortable in a tyranny

I admit, I was too inquisitive
Too fool to know there was no plebiscite
Cause I’m just a part of minority that never was
Intrepid person, as I was
Would talk as much as I wanted
But they’re all new fishes, who won’t come around.
Who wants me to transmute into things I don’t want.
The first reason why to have this self-restraint.

Like they said,

“It has to be so lonely, to be the only one who’s holy.”


My Kind of Innocence

Took some pictures
They never meant that much
Until I called her
She said, “Don’t laugh!”
But she burst into laughters as she talked
Said that she couldn’t study
Cause all the butterflies kept bothering

One time a year they meet
Two or three words spilled
I could imagine how her eyes sparkle
How her heart beats
How the words just couldn’t stop
Anything she would do
For all the butterflies in her chest

I can’t help but worrying
But falling could be a beautiful thing
Whether for the one who keeps quiet
Or the one that’s always catching feelings

We spend laughs, we talk the next day
Just like other days
I don’t mind whoever that is
But you have to hold her hands gently
Cause no matter what happens
She’s my best friend
Whether she’s alone
Or in love again


Mix-tape I didn’t send

Dark colours at night skies
While I was writing these down
Words I’ve crafted with heart
Bleeding to be with the moon
With some other untouchable stars

I think what makes gifts special
is how much time you spent on them
And the purposes
Things you’ve been hiding for months

I don’t know since when I lost it all
Or you were just too busy to receive a call
I know we’ve always been strangers
Started it with sudden ‘Hi’, and little awkward smiles

So I decided to introduce myself
In some other ways so it won’t be a waste of time
I love the beginnings
As I wrote, “Nice to meet you,”
And I put in those songs
All the lessons I’ve learned

But you’re saying goodbye now
Running away from me now
As you wrote, “I don’t want you to see the different me, really.”
You didn’t have to hit me with that door
I’ve been standing with my hands, patiently waiting there

Now it’s just a lonely mix-tape in my bag
You don’t really want to hear this
With all that ego covering your ears
So I took it back, the second time
I loved them, I still do
You could have loved them, too.



Every morning I still woke up
Been living such a sarcastic life
They said I was brave
They said everything they needed to know
Was written on my face
Oh, of course they don’t need to know
How this silence tortures inside
However, I still find myself running
from all those old secrets and same lies

One time in physics lessons
My teacher taught me how we can see things
She said that things that we see reflect the lights
And then the lights get in right into our eyes
In biology my teacher said that the brain takes control
It processes the lights
So that we can visualize
Things around us
I nodded my head that time
Right now it sounds like a big lie
Or it’s just I’m a bit different
I’m still waiting for the lights.
That’s why they don’t see me now
They don’t talk to me now

Chemistry taught me other thing
Such calculations
Where we should add x with something else
But my teacher told me just ignore the x
“Too small, it doesn’t affect much,” he said
I nodded my head again that time
I knew what overlooked was

My mom always taught me
How cruel my brothers and sisters could be
She said, it’s fine
You’ll learn from it
You’ll grow from it

No, they are good people
They know how to love
In fact, they are falling in love.
And they’ll do anything
Taking things for granted
Just to be saved by the chosen ones.

These craziness drive me insane
Kindness they give when cameras are watching
Selfishness they hide beneath the decay skin
Makes me want to lay my head down
Just a bit longer
Than usual

And If this is my last mark
I wonder how many of them will fade
Somehow it makes me scared
Because the only question is here
“How long?”
Cause I heard that people forget
And move on, after the funeral


Waited until 10.


“Tonight I waited until 10 to decide

Tears are gone yet I swore to myself

A sorry doesn’t mean that much

So why does it take you so hard?

How funny, how we used to adore the silence so much

So comfortable and liked to think everything was fine

Just keep driving, and hush.

Can’t you listen to our pride?

The street sign showed me “Dumb Street 45 m”

I think we’re lost.

And we forgot how to speak now.

It used to be beautiful

But baby right now it has lost its beauty

It left me another day in aw


That’s how I like to think about it now

I know how to write

I know how to speak.

But I still don’t know how to say those words easily like how you spilled them out

Like the last time we talked reminds me about my mother

When she called the waiter cause he forgot to put some sugar into her tea

The tea was tasteless, bitter

Little you know how much it affects my mother

Cause she was tired, cause she has been working hard

And all she wanted was a perfect tea

And it was just too much

A rebellious girl who tries so hard not to give up too much

Just to feel beautiful things running through her veins

Make sure everything that she loves doesn’t burn into ashes

Something to make her feel safe when the world war three is about to begin

But please

Please please please please


Don’t tell me that north way does exist

I respect the words

I respect your words.

And I do understand

I fell too deeply, a little too widely

And same old lies, still make myself beams

Because I don’t mind

The truth and the lies

But it’s you,

It’s still you, all this time.

But ghost from the past has just arrived now

How are you, regret?

He convinced me about things you did, you always did

He whispered to me things I didn’t want to hear

So tonight I waited until 10

But when it’s passed 5, I began to cry

and it left myself wondering why

Why life have to be so cruel after all.”