First of all, I’m sorry for all the grammatical mistakes. Still learning. Always.
Yes, feeling guilty while writing this first sentence because I’ve been spending a little free time that I have watching these series. At first, I had no interest watching it. To be honest, I underestimated it. I didn’t want to watch it because I thought they’re gonna romanticize everything in this movie like that one day when I went out for running (eating, to be honest) with my friend and we saw some people celebrating World Autism Awareness Day with some posters that they looked so proud of and took smiley pictures with them. It wasn’t that they’re celebrating that day was the problem, really. But what they’ve written in those posters was.
“AUTISM IS COOL,” the poster said.
Get back to the topic, turned out, the whole series was okay. It hit me with a big rock and I’m still in pain after two weeks.
I’m not gonna talk about these important issues by perspectives that you can see / understand from the movie but I’m gonna talk about my own experiences. I think, every single one of us has been bullied. Whether we realize it or not, whether it hits you or not, whether it affects us at that point only or leaves some scars in your heart until right this second. Everybody’s got their own way on dealing with these things. I’ve got to admit that my old-self didn’t quite get along with these things. To be honest, they’re so familiar to me that I knew it since I was in elementary school, when a boy that I ignored sent me bunch of cruel messages through my facebook account, making fun of my appearances. You know, I was probably only twelve at that time. Hearing those horrible things from someone else was terrifying and it did bring me down. Lucky me, I got my sister who’s got my back and she was so ready to shut him down. But will I ever forget what he said that day?
A wallflower me grew even more when I was in junior high school, making me the best target that people could aimed at. I still remember how I couldn’t stand sitting in class alone without my close friends, feeling people’s eyes on me and how it got me wondering what topics they chose to talk about that day. My weird habit spending time with books? me that barely left my house? me that always quiet in class and only spoke to people when I had to? or was it my math test score? the way I dressed? the things that I talked about with my friends? the way I spoke to people? or was it my ‘stupid’ dreams of continuing my studies outside my own comfort zone? and so on.
But I am very grateful to say that I am now capable of controlling my feelings. I’ve learnt so much about not letting what other people have to say about me to affect my feelings. Braver, perhaps? I don’t know but one thing I know for sure is that now I can speak up my mind and letting people know what I feel when something’s not right. Well, it’s always an on-going process. But see, I even wrote this to you and I’m confident enough to let you know. From what I’ve been seeing, I think some people don’t really understand what ‘bullying’ is. They only refer ‘bullying’ as hitting someone until they can’t walk or such. It is, but I think it’s time for you to do a little upgrade on your way of thinking. Let’s start from couple of simple things. Social medias? yes, but let’s begin with something simpler. One thing that you can spill out to someone without even thinking carefully about it. Yeah, words. Small words you said to someone this morning can mean millions to that person and who knows if she/he is gonna remember them until the next three months?
Nightmare? I know.
Fun fact there was this time where me and my friends in high school went to play a game where we wrote what we feel about each other on a piece of paper that’s been attached to our back. And luckily I didn’t read mine until I got home, because it did hit me. Little did the person know that I’m still thinking about what he/she said to me through that paper that day. Was he/she kidding or just thought that it was the right time to bring someone down? I’ll never know.
“It’s no big deal,” they said. You’re right, buddy. It’s no big deal, until it happens to you.
It’s okay though, if you did something wrong in the past. There’s never a bad time to sincerely apologize. It’s okay to think “Oh God, I should’ve known,” and such. It’s never too late to stop, and it’s never too late to help. It’s kind of funny how we treat each other these days knowing that it doesn’t cost us a damn thing to be kind to each other. We can learn to be kind. Stop criticizing. If people are confident enough wearing hoodies / jackets to parties, let them be. If people don’t want to use any kind of make-up products, let them be. If they don’t wanna go out and rather to stay at home, let them be. If they don’t want to follow the trends and they just wanna wear whatever clothes that they want to wear or they just want to do the things that they think is right for them, let them be. If you find them feeling not good enough, please help them with their insecurities. Let people feel comfortable with who they are. Remember this when you’re about to say something cruel to someone: no one deserves to struggle to sleep at night thinking that they’re not good enough / cool enough / pretty enough / smart enough to be in their own skin.
To sum it up, I’m just really happy that this kind of movie became ‘mainstream’ and I wanna thank every single person who is involved in making it. Thank you for letting people end their ignorance and possibly making them understand. These kind of things do happen in our daily lives and we do have to talk about it. Don’t we?
And if you’re facing one of these things right now, please keep up your fight cause it does get better. Eventually.
Cheesy but deserves to be said, you’re not alone. Like I said, every single one of us has been there. But one thing I disagree about these series is how they want people to believe that ‘help is out there’
Even Hannah Baker asked for it and it didn’t change anything but made everything worse. Right?
It’s in you, my friend. The help has always been there.
Search for it. Let it grow. Don’t let go.
Sorry for the plot twist, but this time, you’ve got to save yourself.