setiap baitnya kayak ngomongin diri sendiri. kebiasaan “melarikan diri” dari hal-hal yang sebenernya lebih penting, terus bilang ke diri sendiri “oke, ntar dulu, yang itu nanti dulu. kita liat ini dulu sebentar. aku bakal cape kalau kesitu.” padahal dengan kaya gitu aku malah memperpanjang rasa sakitnya. toh, mau dihadapin nanti, besok, atau lusa, bakal sama aja. bakal sama sama sakit. jadi jangan lari lagi. jangan kabur lagi. kalau kamu sedih, ya, wajar. kalau ada orang yang ada di posisi kamu, orang itu juga bakal sedih. tapi usaha kamu yang masih bangun tiap pagi. masih mencoba membuat orang “merasa” padahal kamu sendiri ga ngerasain apa-apa. semoga ada saatnya di suatu pagi kamu bangun, dan ngerasain sesuatu. suatu pagi dimana kamu sadar kalau masih ada sesuatu yang pantas ditunggu disini. maaf ya, dunia ini ngecewain kamu terus. padahal kamu dari awal berjuang terus. ga pernah ngeluh, pasti selalu memendam sendiri karena ga mau ngebandingin apa yang kamu rasain dengan apa yang orang lain alami. pasti ngerasa kalau yang kamu rasain itu ga penting. padahal hal itu nyata, hal itu buat kamu sakit, dan kamu berhak sedih.
aku tahu gak ada yang pernah bilang gini.
dan juga, gak ada yang pernah lewatin situasi ini.
makasih ya udah selalu mau mencoba.
“when was the last time you fell in love?”
i tried to hide a smile, and said,
and in that moment, you feel proud. you think you’re the one who got away. you think you’re the one who’s always been familiar with words, and that they never betray you. let me tell you now, the light that you see at the end of that tunnel is just fire from the bridges that you’ve burnt. all those theories that you made up in your head are nothing but a reflection of your self-insecurities that you’re trying to hide whenever someone gets close to your bubble. you smirk, telling all your friends that she loves you in a way that you wouldn’t understand. you laugh, thinking she would always make a room for you. she never did, and she isn’t going to. the smell of your hair reminds her of his feet. but you know, you know. and when the night comes, it hits you. you cry, cause that’s the only thing that you can do.
I just want to take the time to sincerely say thank you. Thank you to those people who are so brave speaking up about the things they believe in and always find the time to fight for it. You are speaking for those people who are too afraid to be heard (or the ones whom the whole world ignored). Thank you to those people who have to pretend that they have their shit together even when they feel like it’s obvious that the whole word knows they are faking it. No they don’t. And it’s okay. You’ll get to where you’re heading to. Just hold on a little longer. You have no idea how close you are to your destination. Thank you to all those people who have to say goodbye from the thing they call ‘home’. I’m really sorry that the only thing you remember about being home is how it ended. You know there are some things you have to sacrifice to reach those dreams. Even your little brother’s age. I’m really sorry. Thank you for being strong despite of those homesick feelings that kill you every night. You’ll get used to it. You are making a history.
Thank you to all those people who shared their worst experience just because they don’t want other people to suffer in the same thing. You are a hero. Thank you to those people who smile at strangers even when they don’t feel like it that day. You are making such a memorable impression to their souls. It’ll never be forgotten. You are an angel. And the most important thing – I want to thank you. How could I forget about you? In the world full of madness – thank you for being soft. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for being brave – even if all you did today was waking up from your bed, you should know that not everyone can do that.
Thank you, my friend. You make me believe in that little spark. Again and again. And I’m so thankful for you.