“Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.
It matters that you don’t just give up.”
It disgusts me that some people might think that I'm doing fine – and it disgusts me even more that some people might think the otherwise. I have been spending all the time that I have trying to find some peace and quiet in my mind. If you ask me why, I don't know. This time I really don't know. Dreams? Last hope? Lies? Truth? Expectations? Reality? I guess everything is just not where it should be. And thank you for all those people who might think that I'm not doing fine – but the truth is the world doesn't need more people like you. The world doesn't need more people who see life through their rose-tinted glasses either. She doesn't need us. We could just destroy ourselves. After all.
One of my friends from the course that I used to go to talked to me few days ago. Been quite a long time. He asked me of where I went. Fast forward – he did bring me down. Isn't it nice how a person who barely talked to you at all decide how you’re gonna end without even trying to know at least a piece of the story? I'm not letting them to see the ending – oh no – I just needed them to be nice. Isn’t that what the world needs? But when you do it you have to make sure that you don’t end up making people think that it's okay to bring others down.
Is it enough to breathe?
Is it enough to die?
Is there a pity for the plain girl?
I have been trying to keep myself busy reading books, listening to music, reading other people's writings or even their journals. I've been loving my escapes. And I feel afraid. Cause I really loved and hated the time I was out there living out of my comfort zone and I feel the need to be afraid that I won't let myself grow. You see – it's just I love me – and I miss me. But for now I need anything to keep me away from thinking about what's going on around me. Anything to stop me from thinking. I don't know if I could bear the thoughts this time. I don't know if I could go out there again and start it all over. I don't know if I wanted this. I could've chosen the alternatives. So obsessed thinking of what might happen if I take it another way. And of course I do deserve it. That is the main reason why I’m telling you this. And I’ll let you do whatever you want. Judge me. Bring me down. You should've. You could've. This time I promise I'll let myself down.
Because I know
And I care.
As much as I said how much I don't care you know I do
I feel like I know what Chris Martin meant when he wrote the line
"when you get what you want, but not what you need."
In fact that’s exactly how I want to feel. It's nice to finally know what exactly you're feeling other than having no clue at all.
There was a time back then where I asked one of my friends "Have you ever been in one of those days, where you feel nothing at all? Like you're not happy, you're not sad. It's just blank. Empty. You just keep on craving for a feeling." she said she’s been there and she also said that it wasn't a good thing at all. It's better to feel – but like I said to you earlier, my friend, I don't know if I could bear the thoughts this time.
But I do now.
And my friend, have you ever craved for a place like – home – but when you're supposed to be there, you're not really there?
is there something more?
that could somehow belongs to me?
I told them to cry themselves out tonight. I told them to just let all the stars and the moon watch them being honest with themselves – with how they need feel. I told them that there is nothing as beautiful as letting yourself feel like how a human being should be.
Craving for place so warm yet such thing won't exist unless you let it be
I really love making a themed playlist and I really wanted to share them to people. So here it is. If you ever have any playlist ideas (with a specific theme) you can submit them to my ask on tumblr here. Give me a theme and who knows maybe I’ll have the time to arrange some songs for you to listen? (oh also you can send them anonymously there, too.)
type of requests you can send to me:
– ‘A very sad girl who keeps going’ playlist
– ‘The future is forever so smile’ playlist
– ‘You gave me the world but you left me in it’ playlist
– ‘man, I only love food, leave me alone’ playlist
I’m not even kidding!
alright, this one’s for my rose-colored boy
“Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out. You’re curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you’re waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go.”
– Randall Munroe
I have never done anything like this before but lately I’ve been so overwhelmed with so many good music this year, especially these past few weeks. I have just finished my exhausting
stressful exams few weeks ago so these really help me to recover. The main reason I’m doing this is because there are SO many of my favourite artists are releasing new albums and as a good friend of yours I want to share them with you! this is gonna be my first ever monthly playlist. I’m not sure if I will do this frequently because I might get very busy in the next few months but let’s see if I can manage the time well.
You might not agree with me at some points, but you have to trust me with my music taste.
I have this old writing project that me and my friends in high school had in our grammar class. I think our writing’s so underrated–which is why I brought it back here. I was reading it again–and it reminds me of how stressed out we were to finish this writing before the deadlines because the teacher also gave us another tasks to complete, one of them is this fun (personally stressing for me) screen-play. But I’m glad everyone had so much fun.
I’m dating the sweetest man in town
But he still can’t make me smile